Reflections on Reclaiming Myself
Now that I’m firmly in my mid-30s—and loving it, by the way—I look back on my 20s with a mix of compassion and respect for the woman I had to be. She was doing her best, moving fast, and running on sheer willpower. Honestly, I ran my body like a machine, never taking time to notice the signs—my body was practically begging me to slow down and take care of myself. Even after two autoimmune disorder diagnoses, and later, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, I just kept pushing. That hustle-and-grind mentality was so ingrained, so accepted in my 20s, and I wonder sometimes if it’s a rite of passage, maybe a part of the initiation into adulthood. Something I need to sit with a little longer.
Looking back, I was in survival mode. Whether you’ve graduated college or, like me, took a different path, there’s this expectation that you should already have experience that you haven’t even had a chance to get. So you do whatever work comes your way, piecing it together just to keep going. I was so focused on making ends meet that I didn’t have space to ask myself what I actually wanted.
When it came to living out my passion, I did so many things for work—jobs that now feel like pieces of a puzzle, moments of discovery, figuring out what felt good and what didn’t. I was taking parts from each role, unknowingly weaving them together to create what I do now. But back then, I had no idea what I really wanted because I was still getting to know myself, still figuring out who I was. That’s why I see the importance of centering on Self. My hope is that younger people will start living in that truth a lot earlier, so they can actually enjoy their 20s rather than just getting through them.
It wasn’t until my 30s that I began to understand that I have to be the center of my world. To have healthy relationships and a life that allows me to grow, I have to put myself first. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. And now, from this place, I choose relationships that feel right, that are rooted in support and expansion, not just survival.
I want to share some of the ways I’ve been able to re-center myself and truly enjoy the journey of studying who I am and who I am always becoming.
🖤 First, I went to the stars. I started diving into my birth chart and my Human Design, and it was like meeting parts of myself for the first time. The clarity and wisdom I found there validated so many whispers I’d felt in my spirit—those things that had seemed too “out there” to be mainstream or accepted. Through Human Design, I began to understand my natural energy flow, and my birth chart revealed what I’m uniquely designed to bring to the world. This exploration gave me permission to be exactly who I am, and it built a confidence that came from knowing I am perfectly aligned by design.
🖤 The second thing, which really came first, was connecting back to my heritage—learning about my culture and my lineage, the bloodline of women who came before me. Witnessing their lives and hearing their stories showed me so much about my own life’s purpose. There’s a beautiful, unbreakable pride that comes from realizing that my ancestors walked this earth with talents and gifts I now have access to. Knowing they are here to protect and care for me brings me peace, especially when elders in my life transition—I know I’m gaining ancestors who will watch over me.
🖤 The third thing I did was practice. I gave myself time and space to explore, to try on different versions of who I wanted to be. I practiced how I wanted to look, how I wanted to feel, and allowed myself to let go of anything that didn’t resonate. This experimentation helped me get closer to who I am and what truly feels right.
For anyone on their own discovery journey, I hope this is helpful. Give yourself grace, especially to the younger version of you who got you here—they did their absolute best.
